Displaying items by tag: Jokes & Humor
Thursday, 01 November 2012 13:10

INSTALLING HUSBAND

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as  NEWS 5..0,   MONEY 3.0  and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system..

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
_______________________________________________________________________________________  

Reply

DEAR  Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1..0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.


In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the
Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and perfor
mance.
We recommend:
 Cooking 3.0 and  Hot Looks 7.7.

Published in Hash Blog
Tuesday, 11 September 2012 06:44

Eye test

TRICK: HAVE A FEW BEERS BEFORE U ATTEMPT THIS ... HE HE HE

Published in Hash Blog
Tuesday, 11 September 2012 06:27

Retirement Fun -- SMILE!

Please appreciate the funny side of this. Just be happy you can still enjoy the glory of life!

Published in Hash Blog
Tuesday, 11 September 2012 06:22

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to The ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 
 
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man reaches into his pocket and 

Published in Hash Blog
Saturday, 11 August 2012 04:38

A Traffic Enforcer in Philippines

Check out the video...
Published in Hash Blog

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won't get mad
... ... ... ...
God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...


Published in Hash Blog
Saturday, 07 April 2012 18:21

When 50 comes..

A guy was 50 years old and loved to fish.
 
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
 
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
 
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'  
 
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
 
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
 
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up, then kiss me;
 
and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous,
 
 because I will be your bride!'
 
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over,
 
picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
 
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?'

I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'
 
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
 
'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'
 
 

With age comes wisdom.
 
Published in Hash Blog
Tuesday, 10 January 2012 06:06

Jihad Bells from Bethlehem

Youtube Video ...
Published in Hash Blog
Tuesday, 10 January 2012 06:01

Hashing Pals

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved HASHING all our lives, and we HASH  on Saturdays together for so many years. 
 
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's HASHING there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by
a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,
"Mike--Mike.

"Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's HASHING in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.   Better than that,
we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can  HASH  all we want, and we never get
tired."  Beers aplenty  from all over the WORLD.
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're the HARE for this Saturday."


Published in Hash Blog
Sunday, 11 December 2011 18:11

Why Are Monkeys Happy All the Time ?????????

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!! This is interesting.

After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Published in Hash Blog
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